1st footnote [text] an open letter

[likesfootnotes]

Dear Mr. Mandrake:

There is entirely too much form and substance here. Where's that blissful rest you promised? You'll give my essence an ulcer with all this existing you've subjected me to.

This is almost the most pathetic dismissal I've ever had the displeasure of enduring. ¹ I must admit that I expected better of you after that unfortunately ironclad summoning and those meagre displays of skill that you displayed.

Still, what can you expect from a half-pint magician overflowing with ego after single-handedly saving the British government from certain annihilation? ² I admit, I'm surprised that your head hasn't exploded yet from all the praise. Do be certain to record it for posterity when it does.

Admittedly, this beats a rosemary-lined tin at the bottom of the Thames. Did you know that small miracles are said to be the hallmark of a mediocre magician? Truly, your greatest achievement shall be managing to summon the immensity of my presence - and this I invite you to never try again.

The next time you decide to subject a spirit to your aspirations, might I suggest Faquarl? He's a good chap, sturdy in essence, and suited to your level. A step down in quality, certainly, but that just proves my point.

Most sincerely not yours,

[Have an X in place of a signature; names are bondage to spirits, so he'll not be freely handing it out just yet.]

1 - The worst, arguably, would be when Frederick Von Mundgeruch dismissed me straight into another magician's pentacle. That didn't work out too well for ol' Freddy. Turns out that this magician had a grudge against him and put me to work Detonating his secret castle, location known only to slaves and spirits, to rubble.

2 - Invariably, that is how it'll go down in the history books as written by the magicians. Between you, me, and anyone that'll listen? A kid never would have managed it without a certain all-powerful, self-effacing djinni on his side.

Comments

text

[thii2ii22tupiid]

*Wow there's a lot to go off here...*

who the fuck ii2 mandrake?

text

[likesfootnotes]

[It's Bartimaeus: He's always a handful. Just ask any magician that's summoned him and they'll confirm.]

Regrettably, Mr. Mandrake is a deplorable acquaintance of mine. ¹

I don't suppose you've seen him? Not more than a child. Knee-high to a grasshopper and an ego the size of Big Ben?

1 - I use the term in the most insulting way. It's always good to clarify, because some sorts - myself included - take 'deplorable' as a compliment. I'd hate for him to think I was fond of him.

Re: text

[thii2ii22tupiid]

no, he'2 probably not here.

why are you addiing extra note2?

*Because that's one annoying quirk.*

text

[likesfootnotes]

What excellent tidings, if borne on the wave of poor grammar! Though you would do a djinni good by not using '2' in any reference to him. The very idea of a second John Mandrake is enough to turn my essence inside out.

Quite the educational tool, aren't they? I recognise that few have the dearth of experience that I so modestly possess. The notes exist to bring you up to speed, as it were.

Re: text

[thii2ii22tupiid]

iit2 not iin referance two anybody.

ii'm not 2ure mode2ty ii2 2omethiing you po22e22 at all.

what the hell ii2 a djiinii?

audio

[missmimmi]

[UM]

What?

audio

[likesfootnotes]

Yes?

Re: audio

[missmimmi]

You... are in Holloways Keep. Not... where ever you think you are.

There are no magicians or anyone named Mandrake as far as I recall.

audio

[likesfootnotes]

It was quite obvious that I am not where I'd thought to be, what with having form and substance.

No magicians here at all, you say? This Holloway knows how to make a djinni's day!

Re: audio

[missmimmi]

A... what?

[70ftandcounting]

[Rapunzel is...still pretty Down In The Dumps, but...]

Um...sir?

[She blinks at her journal.]

. . .

What's a djinni?

[likesfootnotes]

[What a terrible place to be in, Rapunzel. He'd suggest Up In The Dumps - far more optimistic, you see. Trash half full and all!]

Do they teach nothing useful in this world?

A djinni is me, you see!

No, no; hold the applause. Actually, I could use a round of it, after all the thankless work I've been through.

Now, do you have some question of substance for me? Or shall we play more of this quaint, misdirected Twenty Questions?

[70ftandcounting]

[Wait, did he really want her to clap?]

...You're a djinni. [That...doesn't do anything at all.] Oh.

Um...I've never played Twenty Questions before. [Sheepish...]

[likesfootnotes]

[This one puts two and two together quite well. And then probably proclaims the answer three. A little worrisome, when you think about it. Still, he is nothing if not... whatever he feels like being. He tries patience - mainly because he's in a good mood about the whole no-magicians thing.]

Precisely! I see nothing escapes your powers of deductive reasoning, my dear.

Really? Then perhaps we should amend it - so that you may ask questions and I may evasively answer them. It's practically tradition where I come from!

You go first! Ask me a yes-or-no question and I shall answer it! At the end of twenty questions, you should be able to guess what a djinni is.

And, being the good sport I am, I'll even answer them truthfully.

[70ftandcounting]

[She's getting a distinct feeling that she's somehow being made fun of here, but she'll play along, because she likes games and it's a pretty good distraction from thoughts of dying.]

Okay...

[She pauses a second to think on it for a moment. Yes or no questions...]

Can you fly?

[Text]

[purrtndyfuntms.livejournal.com]

:33 < *the purrfectly contented kitty rolls over and bats at Mr. X's shoelaces*

:33 < there's no mandrake here

:33 < but sollux is a mage!

[Text]

[likesfootnotes]

[There's a light at the end of every tunnel and Bartimaeus has found his in the form of a train hurtling through it. Of course. He can see through that adorable attempt at sidling up to him, mage. See this? This is his why mommy WHY icon. And, yes, he assumes Sollux = you.]

Well, every silver-lining must have a bit of cloud to it.

Here to announce the terms of my summoning, are you?

[Text]

[purrtndyfuntms.livejournal.com]

:33 < *ac pawses in her playfur batting to pawnder the meaning of that purrticular metafur*

:33 < *but she doesn't pawnder furry long beclaws mr x has already made a furry impawtant mistake!*

:33 < h33h33h33

:33 < i'm not a summoner

:33 < i'm the rogue!

[Text]

[likesfootnotes]

Wading through your ailurophilic text, I can only gather that this place is where grammar and sound sentences go to die. Death by cat, I imagine, is quite painfur. ¹

Let's get this over with before it calls up a hairball, shall we?

Who is the summoner? I'd be delighted to know, so that I could make their life miserable pronto.

And, while you're at it, what's a rogue? In three purrables or less.

1 - Now you have me doing it.

[Text]

[purrtndyfuntms.livejournal.com]

:33 < *ac swats at the purrsnickety mr x*

:33 < the summoner is dead :((

:33 < he's b33n dead for sw33ps and sw33ps

:33 < i'm the rogue of heart and sollux is the mage of doom and equius is the heir of void

:33 < those are the titles the game gave us :DD but i don't really know what they mean

[Audio]

[bondedgryphon]

[If there is one thing that can be said about Zhaneel, it is her penchance for reading; but then that was rather a trait of all gryphons, even if they tried to say otherwise. So when Bartimaeus' entry appears, it is with great interest that the gryphon sets to reading it.

Though she knows not the individual that posted, nor the person to whom he is directing the entry, she still decides on responding.]

I do not know a person named Mandrake .. a creature called a cold-drake .. I am uncertain this person is here.

[A brief pause as she again looks at his handwriting and then the footnotes at the bottom.]

Your script is rather lovely .. and I find it fascinating that you add notes as such.

[Audio]

[likesfootnotes]

[Zhaneel, you have complimented him. Dozens of magicians throughout the ages would stare at you, completely dumbfounded, hundreds of spirits would start laughing. Bartimaeus? When he hears it, he simply grins and puffs up a bit.]

Good to see that someone around here has taste! Far too few people appreciate the penmanship developed after five thousand years. (The elegant slopes are actually what inspired the Syrians to write as they do.)

Delightful little notes, aren't they. Not everyone has even half a clue about what I discuss and they do fill in the gaps nicely.

To whom do I owe this flattery?

[Audio]

[bondedgryphon]

[Though she wasn't shown a great deal or kindness in her youth (note: none) Zhaneel was raised to be respectful and polite. So, while quiet and wary of approaching those she doesn't know, she will give that credit where it is due .. which is obviously never to her, because she'd never done anything to warrant that sort of praise before.

His response earns him a soft chortle of amusement, feathers fluffing before flattening again.]

I do not believe many here use handwriting .. a few here and there, certainly, but the preference seems to be heavily lean toward either voice or image posts and responses.

[Then a thrum low in her throat. Hmm, curious sound that, isn't it Bartimaeus?]

Not flattery, sir .. a simple truth .. but you may call me Zhaneel.

[Audio]

[likesfootnotes]

[Bartimaeus has spent his fair share of time in avian forms and he's quite certain he knows the ruffle of feathers when he hears them. This, then, must mean a fellow djinni with a penchant for feathered forms. To each their own - he has a taste for gargoyles himself.]

Writing is a lost art to some. Unfortunately, too many back home are fond of it and practice long hours to write out the scripture of a pentacle, if you catch my meaning.

[He's looking at YOU, magicians.]

Then continue to lay out the truths as you see them! No djinni worth my salt would deny you this chance to be brutally honest. No, not at all!

[Audio]

[bondedgryphon]

[Well, you see isn't that the greatest of coincidences?! Zhaneel's been in this avian form for her entire six years of life! She and Bartimaeus are practically related! XD Too bad it's not particularly a djinni bonding moment, no matter how happy this might make Barti.

She listens, ears flicked forward and bobs her head in agreement.]

It is an artform at times, as well .. [Although she's not sure to whom is being spoken about, she can smile and nod with the best of them. Minus the smiling .. the whole beak thing, you know.] I believe so, yes .. Father could occasionally write quite the long draft when he was duely inspired.

[Her feathered brows rise and she chortles with delight.]

Not modest in the slightest are you, friend?