Bartimaeus of Uruk (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
likesfootnotes) wrote2011-09-23 02:56 pm
likesfootnotes) wrote2011-09-23 02:56 pm
Entry tags:
1st footnote [text] an open letter
Dear Mr. Mandrake:
There is entirely too much form and substance here. Where's that blissful rest you promised? You'll give my essence an ulcer with all this existing you've subjected me to.
This is almost the most pathetic dismissal I've ever had the displeasure of enduring. 1 I must admit that I expected better of you after that unfortunately ironclad summoning and those meagre displays of skill that you displayed.
Still, what can you expect from a half-pint magician overflowing with ego after single-handedly saving the British government from certain annihilation? 2 I admit, I'm surprised that your head hasn't exploded yet from all the praise. Do be certain to record it for posterity when it does.
Admittedly, this beats a rosemary-lined tin at the bottom of the Thames. Did you know that small miracles are said to be the hallmark of a mediocre magician? Truly, your greatest achievement shall be managing to summon the immensity of my presence - and this I invite you to never try again.
The next time you decide to subject a spirit to your aspirations, might I suggest Faquarl? He's a good chap, sturdy in essence, and suited to your level. A step down in quality, certainly, but that just proves my point.
Most sincerely not yours,
[Have an X in place of a signature; names are bondage to spirits, so he'll not be freely handing it out just yet.]
1 - The worst, arguably, would be when Frederick Von Mundgeruch dismissed me straight into another magician's pentacle. That didn't work out too well for ol' Freddy. Turns out that this magician had a grudge against him and put me to work Detonating his secret castle, location known only to slaves and spirits, to rubble.
2 - Invariably, that is how it'll go down in the history books as written by the magicians. Between you, me, and anyone that'll listen? A kid never would have managed it without a certain all-powerful, self-effacing djinni on his side.
There is entirely too much form and substance here. Where's that blissful rest you promised? You'll give my essence an ulcer with all this existing you've subjected me to.
This is almost the most pathetic dismissal I've ever had the displeasure of enduring. 1 I must admit that I expected better of you after that unfortunately ironclad summoning and those meagre displays of skill that you displayed.
Still, what can you expect from a half-pint magician overflowing with ego after single-handedly saving the British government from certain annihilation? 2 I admit, I'm surprised that your head hasn't exploded yet from all the praise. Do be certain to record it for posterity when it does.
Admittedly, this beats a rosemary-lined tin at the bottom of the Thames. Did you know that small miracles are said to be the hallmark of a mediocre magician? Truly, your greatest achievement shall be managing to summon the immensity of my presence - and this I invite you to never try again.
The next time you decide to subject a spirit to your aspirations, might I suggest Faquarl? He's a good chap, sturdy in essence, and suited to your level. A step down in quality, certainly, but that just proves my point.
Most sincerely not yours,
[Have an X in place of a signature; names are bondage to spirits, so he'll not be freely handing it out just yet.]
1 - The worst, arguably, would be when Frederick Von Mundgeruch dismissed me straight into another magician's pentacle. That didn't work out too well for ol' Freddy. Turns out that this magician had a grudge against him and put me to work Detonating his secret castle, location known only to slaves and spirits, to rubble.
2 - Invariably, that is how it'll go down in the history books as written by the magicians. Between you, me, and anyone that'll listen? A kid never would have managed it without a certain all-powerful, self-effacing djinni on his side.
Re: video
He huffs.*
Trolls don't have tusks.
*Except for Kevas, who he still doesn't believe is a troll.*
I don't know what the fuck kind of stupid trolls you have in YOUR stupid universe, but they're not REAL trolls.
video
[Apologies, dear troll, but the king of trolling is now going to troll you.
It takes Bartimaeus two shakes of a troll's tail to shift form and show the amateur how it's done.]
On the contrary, trolls are very real: See?
Certainly, no tusks this time. It can be a matter of artistic licence, but note how troll-like I currently am. In particular, how devastatingly ugly, because I've never met a troll that could not curdle milk with a glance.
Re: video
video
This is a troll. Spell it with me: T-R-O-L-L
Re: video
video
Let's focus on the root of the issue: Clearly, you're jealous of my troll-like nature. Let me tell you that you are not the first and will not be the last.
Re: video
How did you do that?
video
[And Bartimaeus is back in his Ptolemy form just as fast.]
One of the many tricks of the trade. Unlike trolls, I have limitless forms. (Well, they are limited only by my imagination - but as that is boundless... you get the picture.)
Re: video
video
Would a mere shapeshifter be tasked with stealing the Amulet of Samarkand? To retrieve the Ring of Solomon? No!
I am far more than a mere shapeshifter. My powers are beyond mortal comprehension!
[Yes, that is the sound of echoing thunder in each syllable. He's a total ham.]
Re: video
video
No, this is a pure matter of pride. And a human (there is no way this thing is a troll) goading him on.
The moths sputter out.]
I hardly think that imploding your entirely un-troll-like brain with a proper show of power would be a satisfactory introduction to this place. That kind of thing gets messy, you know. Brains everywhere and they do tend to stain.
Re: video