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6th footnote [text] target practice

I have a couple of suggestions for the would-be marksmen fervently preparing for the upcoming tournament:

Magicians are widely considered to be the best choice for target practice. Unfit and unfashionable, they can be seen at a thousand paces in their gaudy attire and offer a moving target.¹ I suggest saving a target and using a magician!
Don't bother entering the actual contest. Instead, list your wishes here and I might deign to grant them once I've been declared Lord for a day.

1 - Don't worry about one outrunning your shot. Magicians are too fond of their food to be anything but slow and rotund. The majority of them mask this by wearing cleverly designed pants that are thirteen sizes too small and somehow conceal all that extra flesh. It's not a pleasant sight.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It's no joke. I have about as much desire to commit world domination as I do to become Tranquil.

So I will thank you to keep your blighted prejudice out of these books.

You're telling me that you're a mage that doesn't use demons and just wants to settle down with a darling witch to raise a family of pacificist mage-babies?

And you're expecting me to believe that.

I didn't say anything about settling down or families. You're putting words in my mouth. Which isn't entirely surprising.

All I want is to use my magic, and be left alone. I want other mages to be free to do the same. I want nothing to do with demons, or domination.

There you go, off on an impossible tangent again. Using your magic? Everyone knows that magic comes from the spirits. All that a mage does is enslave us to do it by drawing a few petty circles on the ground and muttering incantations best lost to time. At least give us some credit.

This Fade of yours is obviously another name for the Other Place, and your spells are just cleverly disguised imps.

Magic has nothing to do with trapping spirits. At most, a medium might call on them for their help, and send them back to the Fade afterward. The only enslavement is done to the mages themselves, by the blighted templars.

You know nothing of my world, of my magic. You know nothing of the slavery and injustice we face every day. You will be silent, fool.

[That is a tonal difference there. Bartimaeus pauses and, on his end, rolls his eyes. Oh, essence, not ANOTHER djinni possessing a human. Ugh, is this a fad? Give him glittering vampires.]

And then you steal my lines. Typical magician.

Before you start trying to intimidate me, realise that you are speaking with Bartimaeus of Uruk. That's right. Bartimaeus of Uruk, with one 'K'. No doubt you are already cowering in humbling fear.

I have stolen nothing from you, or oppressors and fools like you.

I know not this name. Your words are as meaningless as your understanding.

"Your words are as meaningless as your understanding?"

[Incredulity is going on here.]

What seventh century textbook have you been studying to come up with that?

And try shaking your memory for Sakhr al-Jinni, N'gorso the Mighty, and the Serpent of Silver Plumes? I've gone by many names.

And none have any meaning to me.

Not one?

[Offended? Offended. Bartimaeus readying to whip out the big insults here.]

What rock have you been living under for the past fifty centuries?

Not one.

I have dwelled in the Fade since time immemorial. I am Justice.

[Somebody's being mean here and it's not him, for once.]

Dwelled is right.

[He's betting you've never really been summoned, if you've been in this Fade place for all time.]

Just because no magician's figured out your name and dragged you into existence doesn't mean you have spit on those of us that are popular.

Are you so ignorant that you know nothing of a spirit when it speaks to you?

The use of names to summon and bind is for demons. I am no demon.

[Oh, no you did not. You did not just call him a demon.]

Had a bad brush with silver, old-timer? First you call the kettle black, then you call it a juice box. Your essence must be a mess.

You continue to refuse to acknowledge the truth?

Our world, the Fade... nothing is as you think it to be. Silver is nothing to be feared. And your cries against mages is the stuff of fools and bigots.

Of injustice.

Injustice is what happens to innocent, hard-working djinni such as yours truly.

Injustice is what happens when fools and templars believe they know anything of mages.

You really didn't listen to a thing I said, I see.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

6th footnote [text] target practice

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