Bartimaeus of Uruk (
likesfootnotes) wrote2012-01-19 04:27 pm
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6th footnote [text] target practice
I have a couple of suggestions for the would-be marksmen fervently preparing for the upcoming tournament:
1 - Don't worry about one outrunning your shot. Magicians are too fond of their food to be anything but slow and rotund. The majority of them mask this by wearing cleverly designed pants that are thirteen sizes too small and somehow conceal all that extra flesh. It's not a pleasant sight.
- Magicians are widely considered to be the best choice for target practice. Unfit and unfashionable, they can be seen at a thousand paces in their gaudy attire and offer a moving target. 1 I suggest saving a target and using a magician!
- Don't bother entering the actual contest. Instead, list your wishes here and I might deign to grant them once I've been declared Lord for a day.
1 - Don't worry about one outrunning your shot. Magicians are too fond of their food to be anything but slow and rotund. The majority of them mask this by wearing cleverly designed pants that are thirteen sizes too small and somehow conceal all that extra flesh. It's not a pleasant sight.
[Audio]
[Offended? Offended. Bartimaeus readying to whip out the big insults here.]
What rock have you been living under for the past fifty centuries?
[Audio]
I have dwelled in the Fade since time immemorial. I am Justice.
[Audio]
Dwelled is right.
[He's betting you've never really been summoned, if you've been in this Fade place for all time.]
Just because no magician's figured out your name and dragged you into existence doesn't mean you have spit on those of us that are popular.
[Audio]
The use of names to summon and bind is for demons. I am no demon.
[Audio]
Had a bad brush with silver, old-timer? First you call the kettle black, then you call it a juice box. Your essence must be a mess.
[Audio]
Our world, the Fade... nothing is as you think it to be. Silver is nothing to be feared. And your cries against mages is the stuff of fools and bigots.
Of injustice.
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