Bartimaeus of Uruk

The rubbish tastes of this Keep have been improved only slightly by the appearance of the jarred specimen in my room. The first person to admit that they carved a magician's heart out and placed it in a jar just for me will, for today, be treated with a modicum of appreciation.

However, your flirtatious gift does fall on ultimately deaf ears, for this djinni has eyes, ears, and a half-dozen noses dedicated to the one thing in this Keep that rivals my cunning with her beauty.

Rapunzel, on this day of romance, I shall be your knight in shining armour. None shall tarnish you with their slobbering kisses or their poorly rhymed poems. This is my dedication to you, and may everyone else slip and fall into vats of the odious secretions of a twice-dead dragon.

In layman's terms for the rest of you...

Those of you wishing to have nothing to do with the business end of cupid's arrow would be wise to keep their unfashionable and tasteless persons away from the apple of my essence.

[Bartimaeus did not trust the Keep when he found this jar, so he entrusted it to his fellow anti-Santa crusader, Rapunzel, with full intent to wander the Keep as a droll cupid.

Which he's doing, but careful! If you look at Rapunzel, mention Rapunzel, or have anything to do with anything that might make Rapunzel unhappy, expect to have a sudden hotseat courtesy of cupid's "arrow" (a small Conflagration spell). He's a jealous, petty djinni.]

**Prior to this log.**

[Talking pumpkins getting you down? Not Bartimaeus! The day has been quite fruitful for him, as he found the Nathaniel pumpkin early and spent at least four hours listening to it curse him out for not being there. Still, being called a "foul demon" and "reprehensible djinni" for not freeing the bumpkin (boy-pumpkin, get it?) gets old.

Nattyumpkin rests right where Bartimaeus found it, left to well-deserved suffering while the djinni has found a new place to rest.

Many new places.

You see, Bartimaeus has turned himself into a pumpkin and, throughout the day, will be perched in different areas of the Keep to provide a little variety to the litany of agony and torment that's been going on. Keepites that happen to pass him by may hear such gems as:

> Your mother was a watermelon!
> (belching)
> That's what she/he said.
> Got a light? My face went out.
> EDIT: (think Fable 3 gnomes)

There's no limit to what he might say, but do assume it to be crass or amusing. Then theres the matter of his appearance; he pulled out all the stops just for you. And you. And you!

Approach the Bartiumpkin? Y/N/WTF?]