likesfootnotes | 4th footnote [text] how to dismiss your djinni 101

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4th footnote [text] how to dismiss your djinni 101

Unleashing a horde of hawks upon the Keep gains you marks for creativity, but you are missing the mark by a substantial degree if you think that raptors alone could rid you of my enchanting presence.¹

Obviously you lack the intellectual fortitude to assess the means by which to free me and gain some peace. As a being of magnanimity, I will offer you a tip to help you along this path:

There's nothing like a good dismissal incantation to scrub away my essence from this dismal plane.²

While all the magicians that I know to be present puzzle that one out, a query to the commoners: Has anyone seen a delightful orange squash with pleasant enough demeanour?

[aka: 'Djinni seeking nubile young pumpkin for long rolls on the beach and loud mocking of magicians.' Bartimaeus had good fun chatting with her before the wonderful Hallowe'en festivities. Yes. Wonderful. He had a good chuckle over it all.]

1 - Were I restricted to the form of a raven, this method could work. The key term here being 'were' for the fact that I am not restricted to just any form. I could, in fact, take your hawks and raise you a dual-horned, goggle-eyed dragon with a taste for feathers.

2 - Don't expect me to hand the answer to you on a silver platter. That unfortunate alloy aside, providing you magicians with the means to an end is the same as assisting you. I cannot allow this on a professional level, no matter how the ache of existing builds up. We spirits have certain rules and standards we hold ourselves to.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Liz's expression is curious and bright and yes, she read that whole thing and thinks you're pretty strange, barti boy, but that first little thing caught her attention.

She is, after all, a poltergeist from a world with shapeshifters and such... and (above all) still a curious teenager.]

You can, like, change shape? I've never heard of a raven shifter before, but I guess with, like, werewolves and stuff that it's really totally, like, possible and stuff. But you made it sound like you can change into more than just a raven...?

[Isn't she a bundle of curiosity!]

Ravens are the least complex of beings to imitate and I hardly stop there.

[Bartimaeus is not mentioning the part where the first time he took raven form, he had that tiiiiiiny little slip in accuracy. Nobody noticed before he corrected it, really. Besides, who would notice a blue-beaked raven? As he thought! Absolutely no one.]

The true artist, of which I am undoubtedly one, steps beyond the confines of the known and delves into the more sublime art of creation. Anyone can do a bird, but only a djinni can do a bird with feathers of glass and the dulcet voice of a thousand sopranos lined up in a row.

[Just a simple example.]

[Yeah, color Liz impressed. Her smile brightens and even if she knew about the silly blue beak think, she'd hardly be bothered by it because... You can change shapes, yo!]

Have you,like, been a bird with glass feathers and a dulcet voice of a thousand sopranos? I think I, like, only ever saw one with a dulcet of one hundred voices before...

[Teasing him? Damn right she is. But all in good fun, because she really is impressed by this.]

I don't think I've ever,like, met a djinni before... witches and wizards and necromancers and demons and stuff, but, like, never a djinni, you know?

[Bartimaeus does not respond right away for his radar is alight with warnings that this audio feed is, in fact, suddenly video in nature. She did not exist a moment ago, did she? Oh, but he recovers with his wit intact.]

Then you've been privy to the display of an underachiever - probably an Utukku. Or Jabor. His mind tends on the meal, not the presentation, and that makes him suitably uncreative. You should tell them to strive for better.

[Teasing she may be doing, but Bartimaeus is trollin' - aka, taking whatever she offers and rolling with it. Like her intent, it's all in good fun.]

Ah, but that would explain why you've heard only the dulcet tone of one hundred sopranos.

I recommend disregarding the witches and wizards entirely, and the necromancers as well. Aside from being the terrible examples of anything, they can only hope to be a soprano after a long and involved process called being a eunuch.

As for demons - insulting term aside, you perhaps have seen a misrepresented form of my kind. Too many people are fond of that degrading label.

Something wrong, Barti boy? :D

bffpoltergeist - 2011-11-13 16:54 (UTC) - Expand

[video] his eyes doth be deceiving him, CLEARLY

likesfootnotes - 2011-12-03 08:04 (UTC) - Expand

[video] You should see someone about that... can't be a good sign. /concern

bffpoltergeist - 2011-12-03 17:00 (UTC) - Expand

[video] too much time in the real world; ONE MORE VOTE FOR DISMISSAL

likesfootnotes - 2011-12-03 18:50 (UTC) - Expand

[video] I'm uncertain how I feel about this dismissal stuff... :\

bffpoltergeist - 2011-12-03 20:58 (UTC) - Expand

[video] you should feel amazing - that is how he feels!

likesfootnotes - 2011-12-03 21:50 (UTC) - Expand

iit2 niice two 2ee you 2tiill thiink the whole keep revolve2 around you.

Have you happened to see anything more incredible or amazing than yours truly that the Keep could revolve around instead?¹

1 - I didn't think so. So few things are, with the exception of marids, afrits, and the higher beings.

ii'd have two 2ay ju2t about everythiing here ii2 more iinrediible and amaziing than you.

Chalk up one more thing that the faux troll has gotten wrong! Do all of your imitation kind share that poor sense of judgement, or are you an expert at it?

The hawks were released to free them from unnecessary captivity, not to get rid of someone I've never even heard of.

You can phrase and frame it however you like, but does that explain why they are so intently going after the crows?

Perhaps because hawks eat smaller birds.

On those grounds, whomever freed the hawks is diabolical indeed.¹ Are you a supporter of this genocidal, djinni-and-crow hating monster?

1 - Dual reasons to the deed do not erase the fact that the act of freeing the birds is rooted in cruelty. Humans may try to say that they have good intentions, but freeing a predator around prey is no act of kindness. This is why I prefer spirits - we may be conniving and backstabbing, but when we're called on it, we come clean and take credit for it.

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Waitwaitwait. You think the hawks are here because someone wants to get rid of you? Stuff your ego. We let them go because they deserve to be free, not for someone else.

[ Huff. How dare someone make this about them! It's about the birds and nothing else. ]

You admit to being an accomplice in this conspiracy of murder? I ought report you to the authorities for this dismally unimaginative attempted djinnicide.

[Bartimaeus always makes it about him, you see! Well, unless 'it' involves being eaten by a greater spirit, summoned by a lesser magician, or trapped in a silver soup tureen. On those occasions, he grandly shares the spotlight and blame on anyone else. To be fair, you see.]

[ Crow rolls her eyes, reaching a hand up to pinch the bridge of her nose. The concept of "tolerance" is foreign to her. ]

Yeah, yeah, report me to the Lord here or whatever, see if he listens to his psychobabble. "A bird and a goddess tried to kill me through more birds!" Yeah, no.

[Then allow Bartimaus to teach you the finer points of it, starting with 'tolerating' his cheerful presence and delightful insights into everything wrong with... well, everything but his truly!]

You're the one talking about a goddess in the Keep and think that I'm the one spouting "psychobabble"? Here's a tidbit of helpful advice: You should try looking at a pot, kettle.

[Barti you have confused Zeke.]

Th'heck're you talkin' about?

I'm afraid you'll have to be more specific than that. Widespread ignorance may be endearing, but it also raises far too many questions to be answered with ease.

I'm... pretty sure the bird mayhem has nothin' t'do with you.

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likesfootnotes - 2011-12-03 08:11 (UTC) - Expand

Okay you imp-breathed magician licker.

You're going to tell me that incantation. Right now.

[What proceeds is a scrawled message in an archaic language. It's obviously Tammy's handwriting, but. Kind of messy. As if her hands are shaking as she writes.]

I told her insulting you wasn't the best way to get your help, but since I think you're full of camel dung anyway, she's not really keen on listening to me. Even less so than usual. And I have no idea what incantation you're referring to. That's not a gap in my knowledge; that's me telling you no such thing exists that would do what you say it will.

At least not to me.

Been researching djinni insults since we last met, I see.¹ I give it a 6.5/10 - the start is the bland truth, but an inventive and insulting reference to magician adoration makes up some ground.

As for the incantation? I'd love to, but you're lacking a few things. A magician would need only the words, but as a human with a depraved brain buddy, extra steps would be required to make it work.

[There's a switch to Sumerian in his writing that flows without thinking and he picks up where Anty left off.]

Not to you, but we have already established that you're a few drops of essence short of a full bottle. Seeing as you're fond of this possession, I do not see why you would care to learn such a thing, or even think of it as a gap in your learning. Ignorance is quite capable of masking itself in that way.

1 - It always stirs up such a pleasant feeling to know that a human has gone out of their way to scrounge up a little more than the 'demon' standard. Nothing like a bit of reassurance that your hard work is not going without notice.

And what are these extra steps, human lover?

[Her handwriting is a bit better; maybe she's accepted that there's going to be communication of this variety.]

I have no interest in learning it. It seems my affinity for her free will-- [SUDDEN ENGLISH.] you mean your UTTER LAZINESS [and switch back!]--means that I have to put up with her pointless attempts at getting rid of me.

Whatever rubs her lamp, I guess.

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Why are you looking for a pumpkin?

[Kairi has had more than enough of pumpkins.]

The same reason as you might search for your favourite pair of socks. There is nothing quite as comforting as a kindred spirit in a drab place like this.

[Bartimeus has not and will take all the pumpkins off your hands, if you like.]

I don't suppose you've seen her.

[Note: Not really a question so much as an observation. He's not really expecting anyone to have his attention to artistic detail enough to remember one in particular.

And, as a result of this low expectation, his voice is cross, glum, and with a hint of pout.]

[Despite his childishness, Kairi can't stifle a giggle.]

Well, usually when I want a kindred spirit, I don't go looking for my socks.

But, no, I haven't seen her. Sorry. Where did you see her?