likesfootnotes | 5th footnote [text] the Christmas conspiracy

How festive and cheerful you all are about the tidings of Christmas, but each and every one of you are remiss about certain key points regarding the season and the tyrant that orchestrates it.¹ I feel it's only responsible to clear up a few details about this mistaken holiday before you are too carried away by the apparent 'peace on Earth and mercy mild' inanities that come with the inevitable candy-cane sugar highs.

First, you might be relieved in your ignorance to know that Santa Claus does, indeed, exist. He even travels about the world, distributing presents as part of an international web of bribery to maintain his supposed good name.

Second, you will be horrified to learn that he is a most nefarious tryant that enslaves children² wholesale, endangers the world's supply of cookies and milk, and spends three-hundred-and-sixty-four days each year merrily laughing at the fact that he gets away with all this scot-free.

Roll your eyes as you will, but you cannot deny the truth. Take it from an insider³ when I say that Solomon, Khan, and Gladstone were each nothing against the evil that Santa Claus spreads.

1 - You know the culprit by his jolly handles of Santa Claus, Saint Nick, Kris Kringle, and Father Christmas. Quite the array of innocent monikers to disguise a most depraved human being.

2 - Who else could make all those toys at the behest of a depraved madman? True elves cost far too much and would never work in the harsh conditions of the North Pole.

3 - I met the man once, when his team of eight reindeer-formed djinni were unable to lift his sled of contraband off the ground. The jolly old magician summoned me on the spot and demanded my assistance at the head of it. In defiance (and the hopes that he might get caught by the authorities), I ensured that my reindeer's glowed bright red. You can see how well that worked out once his propaganda machine got hold of it.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Since you believe whole-heartedly in this folly, you must have a mountain of proof to refute me.¹

1 - I expect you have a molehill, or the very sort of sinkhole that exists where there is nothing to support the ground you stand on.

the only folly ii beliieve iin ii2 that 2omeday you'll realiize you aren't alway2 riight.

For having such 'stalwart'² belief in my words being lies, you certainly are content to just spout hot air. Trying to vent the steam that builds up in those horns of yours whenever you try to think?

2 - The quotations are necessary for the right level of mocking. It'd be a shame for the intent to be somehow missed.

you know, you've 2tiill yet two proove two me that you're a2 powerful a2 you 2ay you are.
do that and then maybe ii'll 2tart beliieviing the crap that 2pew2 out of your protiien chute.

Do you require proof to belief in everything?

Did you require it to believe in the twisted version of Santa Claus?

ye2.

ii've never heard of "2anta clau2" before but ii can be po22iitiive your ver2iion ii2 wrong.

On what grounds?

ii thiink ii already 2aiid, but ii'll repeat iit ju2t for you:
on the ba2ii2 that you 2aiid iit.

You know that slander's considered rude, don't you? Here I am, helping out by sharing the knowledge and experience of five thousand years, and you call be a liar for it. Where's your proof?

you mu2t really liike iit when ii repeat my2elf.
nothiing you've 2aiid 2o far here ha2 been proven two be true, giiven everythiing el2e you 2ay iit 2eem2 faiirly obviiou2 you're eiither lyiing two u2 all or liive iin a fanta2y world.
or both, ii gue22.

This coming from the creature with a troll fetish.³ Holding a grudge for me calling out your lies about being both a troll and a mage, I see.

Very well. Should I summon a rabbit out of a hat to prove that I am a djinni of great skill? Write the jolly old elf myself to get a confession? Since you obviously cannot simply believe in things that are so much greater than you are.

3 - One that is based on completely unrealistic perceptions of trolls. We've already been there and discussed that, so not point in elaborating there.

ii AM a troll, ju2t not the 2tupiid kiind you have iin your uniiver2e, and ii'm not A mage ii'm THE mage, iit2 a fuckiing game tiitle and ha2 nothiing two do wiith whatever the fuck you thiink mage2 are, there ii2 no fuckiing magiic in my uniiver2e.
wa2, whatever.

all ii've 2een you do here ii2 2hape2hiift and talk biig, iif you could back iit up you would have done 2o by now, 2o 2hut your fuckiing chiitiinou2 wiindtube before ii 2hut iit FOR you.

Please hold while your rant is translated into plain English.⁴

What's this about shutting it for me? If you're not a mage, nor at least a djinni, then the very idea is laughable.

4 - Additional transcripts can be made available in other languages upon request. My request, not yours. If you cannot understand your own numeral-laden statements, then it's no wonder that you can't understand the sincerity of my experience.

2o you're backiing out, iit'2 alriight, ii'd be afraiid two face me, two.

Saving you the humiliation of utter and total defeat is more like it.

2iince when have you been 2o kiind two 2ave ANYONE?

You may find it odd to believe, but there were three occasions in my existence wherein I did such a thing.⁵

5 - This is if you are counting only humans. I have, on occasion, lent a hand to a fellow spirit.

ii fiind iit hard two beliieve that you'd fiind anythiing worth the effort of helpiing, giiven how hiighly above everyone you viiew you2elf, ju2tiifiied or not.*

*iit2 not, by the way.

You're mistaking have standards for a superiority complex.⁶

6 - The latter only applies to creatures that are not actually superior. Obviously, that could never apply to a djinni of my calibre.

jegu2, ii thought ii'd never meet 2omeone a2 conceiited a2 you, why can't you ju2t 2ave everyone the trouble and 2top iinteractiing wiith your 'le22er2.'

And deprive you of these new levels of frustration that you're experiencing? That would be terribly impolite.

oh, thii2 ii2n't a new level of fru2tratiion, you miight be more 2tuck up than anyone ii've ever talked two, but you've got 2weep2 two go before you're a2 fru2tratiing a2 2ome of them.

*You aren't coming on to him yet. Maybe.*

Edited 2011-12-21 05:29 (UTC)

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A pity. I'll just have to try harder.

ii'm not 2ure you could no matter how hard you triied.

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You are not the first to make that claim.⁷ Invariably, every magician regrets their pigheaded claim once I am through.

7 - I've lost count after all these years, but my success is in the one hundred percent range.

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thii2ii22tupiid - 2011-12-24 14:58 (UTC) - Expand

5th footnote [text] the Christmas conspiracy

text | I had the dumbest moment of "what am B2???" earlier... lololol

text | it looked kinda odd to me, too

text | maybe he was speaking in a new form of code

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text | that's... a bit of a burn

Re: text | this would be a properly numbered footnote if i werent on my phone

text | footnote coding = bigger pain in the ass than Bartimaeus, if you can believe

text | i beleive it. also i never remember the superscript code anyway.

Re: text | sup, like sup; it's the small one that does my typo-fingers in

Re: text | i will forget that as soon as i leave this tab, but thank you.

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